So Bullying's Different Now

It's certainly not like the movies anymore.

This, of course, depends on generation and demographic. Remember learning about the oversimplified examples of bullying in 2nd grade? Did they ever relate to to you, like it would always be as simple as telling your teacher about it? They never take you seriously in elementary school! But, more importantly..

Our medium of bullying has changed. The cyberspace is like the ether, and poking unassuming victims in anonymity is just too easy. So, everyone could do it. It's not even exclusively inflicting abuse anymore, it's a war no one will win.

You see bullying in the movies, getting beaten up and locked into the janitor's room, is that really happening anymore where it used to forty years ago, or at least, to that extent? It feels more like sick nostalgic catharsis-inducing screenwriting to me. Like someone brought up in the 70s finally found a way to vent. And the gory brutality is usually reserved for the boys in media. But the bullying in girls is just really weird.

Teen girls typically don't face violence in the movies. It's usually pointing and laughing. An occasion of violence might occur, like throwing a basketball at you and looking away (I'm literally referencing Freaky Friday 2004). And this is a sort of gray area, where, you're not destroyed by bullying, but you could still tell your parents in the real world about what they're facing in the movies. Girls getting bullied in movies is that fine line in between, where, realistically, you could point and say, "She did that to me, mom!" and she'd believe you.

Then there's real life.

(i.e. nonviolent bullying)

Nonviolent Bullying

Bullying, I feel like, has become an abused word. (Ba-Dum-Tshh)

Brutal forms of bullying are taken seriously, so they don't happen like they used to. It's like bullies had to adapt and become manipulators. There's, of course, words they can use. They can curse and call you names, and no one would really know for sure that happened, they couldn't see emotional scars, only the ones on your skin.

But there's been heavy "marketing", if you will, against bullying. Direct bullying, where you could tell you're being bullied. And that activism is good! But then, I feel, the next tier of bullying followed.

What Counts as Bullying Now? 

For many societies, violence is out of the picture. Verbal abuse as well. All forms bullying can take that you could concretely point towards, are fortunately condemned, even though unfortunately, it might still happen from time to time.

Our new tier might be gaslighting.

Google Dictionary defines gaslighting as: 

[To] manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.

It's no coincidence, that the word spiked in popularity in the 21st century.

Bullying is a lot more subtle now, predators had to change their methods into acquainting with their victims and feeding them an alternative realities to function under. No, isn't just lying. This is Mother Gothel level four-dimensional chess. Enacted by children!

Words such as "ostracization" and "othering" are also brought up in conversation. These are way more passive. Ostracization is to exclude from a society or group, and synonymous with "othering". This is more of a mob mentality thing, people tend to have some kind of a visceral reaction to the notion that this could be considered bullying. It's not actively hurting someone, the herd just collectively decided, even if unknowingly, to leave one person out. It's not that they dislike someone, the group just decided without conversation.

But then again, why did the group decide on that person specifically? And why do they even leave someone out anyway?

In many cases, someone starts it, and, like a rumor, it spreads to the herd, and they agree to ostracize without contract, just because they don't want to be left out. This is, in many ways, an extension of gaslighting. It hurts the victim, but isn't explicit about it. It's implicitly harmful. And that's why it's bullying.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad this isn't the 80s anymore, but we still have some of its harmful effects that have trickled down through lineage. Why would we hurt people? And should we stand getting hurt? Shouldn't this stop?